This Drifting Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! It's the Television Disappointments of the Year.
Looking back, we reflect on the TV landscape of the recent year, a handful of series stand out not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to confusingly poor docuseries, here are the productions that left us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.
And Just Like That
Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Burdened with dreadful writing, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show fought to justify its existence. Briefly, as the final series began, it looked like it had finally found its groove. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the last series. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was simply too symbolic. Still, viewers undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a small sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’
But that was almost the smallest of this show's problems. The recipient of a very rare no-star review, it was hard to know where to begin listing the problems. The laughably wooden writing? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and consumption? The seemingly deliberate procession of cliches? Acting so bad they felt borderline malicious? Let’s just say “each and every one” and forget about this series again. Except, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Given the legal troubles, abuse allegations and parental failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while failing to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any sympathy this series might induce should be saved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charming but flippant narcissist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Of course we understood it was ridiculous from the get-go: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.
The Gangster Drama
Dodgy characters convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.
Actually, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to accommodate unconvincing accents. But there were plenty of other problems. Primarily that it was just profoundly dull; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which felt a bit basic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Considering the extent to which she provokes the ire of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into twee lifestyle as intentional statements. But then you view them and are forced to admit that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue animated; a meme for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by vast, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are obviously fascinating things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, identity, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this three-part series opted not to say them. Rather, the viewing was like consuming a sales brochure. She obviously has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded letdown of a series.
The Inheritance
It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a famous star playing dead and a well-known personality managing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too complicated to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to live up to something far greater than it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of celebrity cameos involved felt icky.
The Sketch Show Return
Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.
Given the smart recruitment of gifted younger comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.
The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be handled sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lumbering from strangely breezy, slightly stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A total mess? Very much so.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We admire the star … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – academics frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for sexual exploits as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who showed up to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.
