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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought filming a clip now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?